Submitted by The Boo Man on Sun, 03/01/2020 - 21:07

I would never have thought simply watching the TV could be exhausting. Yet it was. Extremely. I was actually looking forward to the South Carolina debate. I figured Mike Bloomberg would have figured out how to punch back and I knew Comrade Sanders was going to be the target. When it was over I felt like I ran a marathon with a hangover. It wasn't just tiresome, it was annoying, unbelievable and mostly incomprehensible. Imagine seven deaf mutes playing Jazz backwards through one of Spinal Taps amplifiers. It was that bad.

It was two hours of talking over and under each other. Each one of them except old Joe completely ignored the rules and talked for as long as they wanted. Something Amy Klobuchar has done in every debate. She just doesn't know when to shut up. Aside from that all seven of them would raise their arms and jump up and down looking like that overachiever in sixth grade everyone secretly wanted to throw rocks at. They looked about as coordinated as a praying mantis on LSD. What a spectacle.

I don't know where to start. How about Joe 30330? He's supposed to win and he got James Clyburn's endorsement. Nothing says excitement more than a DC lifer endorsing another DC lifer. But Clyburn is black and the democrats are all about black people...every four years. Joe however did the country a world of good by alerting us to the unknown fact that nearly a quarter of the population of the United States has been killed by gun violence. That's good news for Sanders because his Medicare for all plan just got a lot cheaper.

Joe didn't have it. He never did. His mop up crew is already walking back old Joe's tale about Nelson Mandela. Joe ain't bright. He never was. He wants to beat up Trump behind the high school bike shed but gets rolled by debate moderators. Joe is running because the media's fear of Sanders forced them to tickle his ego. Now he is just embarrassing himself and the party. He spends more time praising Obama than himself. Obama however is treating Biden as if he has the Corona virus. He's keeping his distance.

The one thing that distinguishes democrats from everyone else is smugness. And Pete Buttigieg does condescension like Keith Richards does cocaine. He's Rachel Maddow without the hipster glasses. He talks, says nothing but tries to shame everyone into voting for him because he learned some clever lines and he's morally superior. He's also an empty suit. However that empty suit has spent most of his time attacking the empty skirt. Senator Klobachar. She's Hillary Clinton lite. Why is she there? Does anyone know?  The two of them simply go at each other like Archie and Edith but their polices resemble Barack and Fidel.

Ah, Fidel. The one way to piss off Bernie Sanders is to say truthful things about dictators. He loves him some communists. Too bad this is the country those from communist countries flock to. I wonder if he has ever wondered why. I wonder if he ever wondered. I doubt he did. Sander's defense of dictators shows he has not learned anything throughout his life.  He simply doesn't know anything because he's lazy.

Senator Sanders calls himself a democratic socialist. What is that, exactly? He doesn't know because it doesn't exist. He just adds the word democrat because he thinks it makes his beliefs more palatable. Bernie Sanders wants to be socialism lite, the "I can't Believe This is Socialism" of the democrat party...when he wants to be considered a democrat, which is every four years. He's just an opportunist looking to take advantage of a party of opportunists. He's spent his entire adult life advocating these polices and he still can't tell anyone how to pay for them or how he will implement them. That should tell you something.

Tom Steyer....That's all I have.

My favorite of the night was Apache Pantsuit. The only thing she is good at is mining new ways to be awful. Elizabeth Warren does two things really well and really loud. Shouting and lying. She is so fake the only place she can survive in is Hollywood. Unfortunately  personality transplants do not exist. She's the eighth grade teacher we all had and wanted to forget. She has put everything she has into attacking Mayor Bloomberg. Apparently she thinks attacking the guy with no delegates will stop her freefalling campaign. Nope. Unless there is a really large nag demographic she is done. She won't stop, though. She will continue on and on and on. Elizabeth Warren is the wife who shouts at her husband while he pretends to listen but is thinking about that girl back in college...

I'm not quite sure how to describe Bloomberg. He's actually the least noticeable person in the world. His physical stature is actually exponentially taller than his personality. He did say he bought the current democrat majority in the house so, that's fun. Why is his he running? Ego. The democrat party is full of them. Unfortunately those egos are related to some pretty awful people. Just look at the democrats pandering for office. He's trying to buy the nomination and he just might pull it off if Sanders doesn't meet the delegate threshold. His debate performance was nothing sensational but once again he was the only one that looked sane. The rest just looked and sounded hateful and loony.

Tom Steyer wants reparations. Joe Biden promises to put a black woman on the supreme court. Mayor Smug simply apologizes for being white. Apache Pantsuit has a plan for everything and every plan involves shouting. Unfortunately for these pandering parasites shouting and injecting the race card into every issue gets old really quick, according to the polling numbers. They simply are not growing the base.

The president is however because most everyone puts their own family's well being above all else and the average American is doing quite well. They don't want to risk losing their job because the democrats want to central plan everything. Plus, the president has made being proud of being American cool again. After eight years of "this is not who we are" it's quite refreshing. it's quite a contrast to the democrats who paint this dystopian picture of billionaires (millionaires are cool now that Bernie is one of them) roaming the streets stealing from poor black people so they can pollute the earth. Sanders is going to put millions out of work by banning fracking and oil production because the world is going to end in 6-8 years or something. It doesn't sound to me like the billionaires are the problem. The surly senator says the economy is only working for the rich. Under his watch it will work for nobody and people are waking up to that. They hit him for that at the debate, sort of.

Once again the disorganized shouting contest disguised as a debate failed to move the needle. Sanders is still the front runner, Joe Biden is still in a parallel universe, Mike Bloomberg is annoying everyone and Elizabeth Warren is still Elizabeth Warren. We didn't need two hours of feckless moderators trying to herd a clowder of inebriated cats with ADD to achieve the expected.

-Boo