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ONE FISH TWO FISH LIBERAL DOUCHE FISH

Liberals are the ultimate buzz kill. The party pooper, the uninvited guy who shows up to the party any way and pees in the punchbowl. They are the Grinch, your second grade teacher and that angry neighbor that sits on his porch all day and shouts "get off my lawn!". They are the bible beater, the smug atheist and Rachel Maddow all rolled into one ball of misery.

Are there any really happy liberals?

Of course not. How can you be happy when you are programmed to see evil and bigotry in everything? When a college student needs counseling because it (I'm throwing caution and pronouns to the wind!) Sees "Trump 2016" written in chalk on the sidewalk society as we know it is in trouble.

We love our sports. We love our football. So much so that we are willing to take our shirts off and sit in really cold weather. Sometimes we do it with our chests painted. Regardless of how we like our football the left was determined to ruin it for us. So they injected race in to it like they do everything.

So we have this mediocre quarterback with ridiculous hair shitting on the flag and the military because of what he saw on MSNBC and CNN. He kneels for the national anthem because he's been told black people are being murdered regularly by white cops. Total bollocks but when has the truth mattered to the left?

Collin Knelt so the left would melt. And melt they did. Specifics need not apply. The media swooned, happily riding on the backs of dead soldiers. Soldiers died so the rest of them could invent new and exciting ways to invent racism. Now I can't watch a game without seeing overpaid, undereducated Neanderthals "protesting" something they know nothing about.Now baseball players are doing it and you can bet your autographed jersey the NBA will be doing it.

So they ruined sports for us.

Children of course are not immune from their misery. First they were forced to eat black bean burgers with brown lettuce in the school cafeteria. Then they were forced to share bathrooms with men in dresses and now they are racist for reading Dr. Seuss. Some frumpy librarian in Massachusetts (there's a shock!) who actually looks like a reject from a Dr. Seuss book has decided Dr. Seuss is racist. Well, obviously. It's about time someone had the guts to point this out. She sent a letter to the first lady explaining why kids can't read these books in the usual smug condescending Rachel Maddow way and included a list of appropriate books. I'm confident the first book on the list is "Rules for Radicals".

According to this liberal lunatic Theodore Seuss Geisel's books have spent nearly seven decades cultivating an army of racist children. Want proof? What are the chances that David Duke read Green Eggs and Ham as a child? Proof positive!

I remember reading those books in the school library as a child. I loved the illustrations. I loved the colors and all the strangeness. The books were lyrical, simple yet pushed your mind to be creative. You could put yourself within the book. And, not once did I look at the dark skinned kid next to me reading the same book and think "I hate him". I have gotten through life so far not lynching anyone and, as I look at next weeks schedule nowhere does it say "9:30 meeting 10:45 workout 12:00 lunch 1:20 shoot up black church".

So, what do children have to look forward to? No Dr. Seuss, cafeteria food that is less appealing than having to pee next to a guy in a dress, no sports unless you want it drenched with politics and when you have to pee the person next to you may not have the same genitalia as you. And then there is college. No red hats, never mention Trump, no ethnically themed parties. If you are not a liberal you probably will be attacked by liberals who are attacking you because they are against violence.

This of course will only happen if the democrats fail in making abortion mandatory. The good doctor ever did a book on that.