Joe Biden: The Nowhere Man
"He's a real nowhere man
Sitting in his nowhere land
Making all his nowhere plans for nobody".
Ah, the Beatles. Who would have thought John, Jim, Tim and Eric would foresee Joe Biden's fourth and penultimate attempt at becoming President. No one knows the future aside from those that said Trump would never be president but won because of that collusion thing. Joe will run again in 2024 with major donations from Head and Shoulders, Paul Mitchell and that one that gave women orgasms on planes.
This one is going to be a toughy for old Joe. Aside from being creepy and arrogant he isn't one thing or the other. He can't be the democrat of the past and doesn't really understand the democrat of today. On top of that he has accomplished little aside from getting reelected to the senate many many times. One of the challenges of being a lifelong Washington hack is you will eventually have to answer for your past decisions and comments. In order to survive he will have to apologize for or ignore his entire career. And, I'm not even talking about all the awkward space invading.
Biden has always been ham handed. The media refers to him as "uncle Joe" in order to downplay his idiocy. In reality he's uncle Joe the relative who comes to the Christmas party, gets drunk and pees on the Christmas tree. Every year. You always invite him back because that's just uncle Joe. Well, the democrat party in their attempt to become the most sanctimonious thing since Al Franken has made his most recent descent into futility even more difficult.
Old Joe has been on the wrong side of every issue since that brief period he had hair. He has spent most of his congressional career bloviating on the senate floor. And, when he was not bloviating on the senate floor he was waxing idiotic in front of the cameras and copping a feel during the commercials. Creepy Joe became vice president because the media told Barry he was the guy. And that is old Joe's legacy. Creeping people out during ceremonies headed by the first and last president to wear mom jeans.
Joe can't win. He can't talk. Or think. He'll spend all of his time at each campaign stop rambling about how awful Trump is and dodging his sad career. His message is "vote for me because I'm not Trump". Sounds familiar considering the other 22 democrat candidates are running on the same platform. Well, not Andrew Yang. He's running to save every man's penis from evil Jews or something.
Joe Spent months teasing us about him getting into the race. I don't think that helped him. Any women will tell you too much foreplay is not a good thing. if you're a man who has sex you know what I'm talking about. If you're Joe Biden on your third or fourth campaign you should know better. A few minutes is great. several months just ruins the vibe. Of course we just found out old Joe has had a bit of cosmetic surgery. That explains why he waited so long to get into the race. None of us happy people (non leftists) care what he does to his face but to be honest no one sees a difference. You're old, Joe. Own it.
This brings us back to Joe's campaign. He's got nothing new. He's that classic rock band with only one original member trying to make a final buck. Old Joe is KISS without the makeup and democrats should never appear in public without makeup. When they do they look more racist than David Duke setting fire to a holocaust museum. He's got a platform and it's odd. Desperate even. He can't run on bringing back the middle class as he has spent his entire career working that platform from DC. Trump's been there, done that and moved on to the poor, the blacks and the Latinos. They're pretty happy because after he left things got pretty damn good.
So, Joe can't really go there but he tried to be clever and as expected he fell on his face like he generally does on Friday nights. His approach is "yeah everyone has a job but they're not moral jobs". Good luck unpacking that one. "Make America Moral Again". Almost clever like a silver medal. No one cares about those who didn't finish first and Trump has finished first time and time again. The economy is looking pretty awesome. Foreign policy? Well we're not doing the Libya thing or the Graham, Bolton, McCain thing which is bomb everyone with everything we have. Old Joe's foreign policy is bomb them or arm them. See US middle east policy 1980's-2015. It didn't work out so well.
Joe has opened up a massive lead against the other old white guy who likes to get naked in Russia. And yet the old white guy's Socialism polls slightly less than Jock itch and death. So much for polling. The guy who never came close to becoming the president three times before is now the front runner running against someone who has never done anything in his life aside from wanting to make America Venezuela. I do not envy his staff when they are not out shopping for shampoo. It's Bernie's time. And, he has done nothing to deserve it. That's irrelevant now. What we have percolating is the country's most pathetic primary ever. Old creepy Joe who sniffs peoples' hair and old naked Bernie who sided with Russia during the eighties. Both who want to reverse everything that has made America great.
This is not Joe Biden's time.